I really wanna convey my feelings to you, So if no one minds, Ill use my native language, excuse spellings and grammer due to the fact i left school LONG ago for a 24 year old, I understand your frustration and anger, especially if you take the mirror example, that is an obvious self loathing reaction, Do you mind me asking if you were stoned or sick at the time you done that? Not that it matters much, But I honestly think you are feeling the effects of a system that treats them addicted like criminals and all around general scum, yet fails to treat the problem on a broad social scale, instead they label you with this or that , write a few pescribtions, some second rate head doctor who doesnt understand the first shit about being addicted will try and explain how "there" way is better, and it might be better for some but not all, a society that forces most users to disappear into the darkness.
I wish you luck in the clinic and hope this is your "cure" but I have one peice of serious advice and thats stay true to yourself, if you lie cheat and steal, then they are things that you done not that make you what you are, I know the feelings your going through and offer the fact your not alone, message me if ya need anything, and if your local to eindhoven come smoke a joint , meet new people. Be fair to those that have stayed by yourside. And just wake up to the fact that as horrible as it is, My pain, Your pain, is trivial, we suffer today, we laugh another time, and die alone. No one will truely know you, or your pain, they can try but only to a level. So please please be true to yourself, your addiction is part of you, learn to deal with it, using or not, learn to just be clean and straight with those you love, and rape all those you dont, you owe noone outside your family nothing. So dont even feel guilty for lieing to them, just ammend your family problems. If you want to take my advice,.... This is not solid gold or gospel, its the words and wisdom of a 24 year old who has been homeless and on the underside since he was 8 and is still a bit bad inalot of ways, things I hold VERY true, and help me, Do with this advice as you please... But quite the I hate myself shit, cause were all the same, you are me, and I am you. Your the breeze and the stars. Look at the beauty of life and remember your part and parcell with all you see, Connected to everything, Your just star dust. Nothing more nothing less.
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